What if everything I believe is wrong?
This year has been a series of ups and downs for me, depression, politics, religion, and numerous other things. I have done a lot of 'soul searching' (for lack of a better word, as I do not believe in the soul, but you know what I mean). I now wonder if everything I believe is all a bunch of crap, just baggage that I have piled on myself over the course of a lifetime.
I continue to search, search for what? I don't know. Or maybe I do, but refuse to accept it. There are times where I would love nothing more than to head for the hills and live in some isolated cabin in the mountains where I can be alone. To be free of a society that is all about rules, rules that say I have to do what everyone else feels is right, rules that say I should think and act in certain ways, rules that say I should be something I am not. Why should I be part of a society that says I have to live for the benefit of others? If we do not live for ourselves, what then is the purpose of life? As long as I am not harming others what does it matter what I think or do?
I really wish I was more articulate so I could better write my thoughts down. I have difficulty transferring my ideas from my head to 'paper'. I have so much that I need to get out, to express, the need to shout from the rooftop so to speak. But I never seem to have the ability to explain myself in a way that others understand. Am I just full of shit? Maybe others do get what I am saying, but they see that I am just stupid? Do they see something that I don't? That what I believe is just plain wrong, and that I'm just to dense to see it.
What if everything we believe is just the processes of an evolved brain? Processes where everything boils down to chemicals and firing neurons in the brain. Processes that determine what we believe, without us really having control. Nothing more that processes that were, or are, necessary to pass on our genes to the next generation.
I sometimes envy those who seem to have the ability to not question everything, people that can just say "we are what we are", and go on with life, people who can live in happiness knowing or at least accepting who they are. The people that can think about the things and people in their lives, not why they think about things and the people in our lives.
What if all those imposed things I reject such as, social rules, morality, ways of thinking, living for others, are actually right? That through natural selection people that passed on those genes were the ones that survived? What if my way of thinking is just a biological 'dead end'? What if everything I believe is just plain wrong? Should I just abandon everything and go along with the herd because it is, in a biological sense, natural for our species?
