I have kept a beast locked up inside of me for a long time. A beast that survives on love and pain.
I let my guard down long enough for someone sneak in and pick the lock to it's cage. Now this beast is out, and it's kicking my ass. I can't even fight back. Maybe part of me doesn't want to fight back. Should I at least try to fight this beast? Should I try and put it back in it's cage? Do I let it continue to kick my ass? Or do I leave it out and try and control it? I'm not sure I can control it even if I tried.
It is a mighty beast.
What is this beast? This beast is my emotions, my feelings. It is that which I have kept buried for so long, so long that I almost forgot I had this beast. It seemed easier to bury everything so I wouldn't have to hurt, wouldn't have to feel pain. I tried to starve the beast.
The opposite of love is not hate, it is pain. A person can hate without ever loving. But a person cannot feel pain without first loving. This beast demands love, and as long as I kept it in it's cage I could starve it. Now that it is out, it will be fed.
I have always had problems bonding. I think it was because I was taken from my grandparents when I was nine. I had spent my entire life with then, they were my parents. Since then I have felt it was better not to get too close to anyone for fear I would have to feel what I felt when I was taken from them. Besides my grandparents, I could count the number of people I have bonded with on my fingers; Allen, Rick, Dani, Chris, Jessica, and Aaron.
Even if I wanted to put this beast back in it's cage I'm not sure I have the strength, I have drained myself just trying to keep it locked up for so long. But I'm afraid if I don't do something it will keep kicking my ass. The question now is do I attempt to put it back in it's cage? Or do I try and control it?
What will this beast do to me? I don't know, only time will tell. But I feel I must defeat it, or die trying.
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