I have identified that I have a lot of unresolved issues. Acceptance, abandonment, appreciation, self assertion, self esteem, just to name a few. I have built walls to keep people out so I wouldn't have to feel emotions, so I wouldn't have to feel pain.
Recognizing problems and doing something about them are two different things. Just because I acknowledge that I have issues doesn't mean I know how to resolve them. I'm not sure where to go from here. But I know I have to stop analyzing and start doing something. It is easier said than done when it comes to tearing down these walls I have spent years building. I guess I just have to start chipping away, brick by brick.
I'm afraid that I have held my feelings inside for so long that I won't know how to release them, or even how to control them if I do let them out. I realize I will have to make myself vulnerable, expose what I think are my weaknesses. That is going to be hard for me. I have always been taught to be strong for those around me. To never show weakness.
I sometimes wonder why I have let this go on for so long, why I have always felt the need to hide myself away, to keep hidden what is the real me. Do I fear what I might find? Could it be that bad? I guess the first step would be to make a positive comment instead of the negative ones I always seem to end up with. That what I might find a good person, not something to fear. I just assume I won't like what I find because that is the way I see myself now. If I could see myself as I know others see me, maybe I wouldn't be so afraid.
I'm not even sure how to switch a negative brain into a positive one. How to change all my negative views of myself into positive ones. Am I my worst enemy? How does one build themselves up when there is nothing to work on?
I'm driving cross country in a broken down car, and no road map. I'm still lost. I know it's an unmanly thing to ask, but I could use some help with directions.
I'm driving cross country in a broken down car, and no road map. I'm still lost. I know it's an unmanly thing to ask, but I could use some help with directions.
I'm no expert. But sometimes a stranger can see things from the simplest view. And sometimes we need that when our eyes get too murky with tears and our minds with self-doubt. We need to take things one at time starting with the nearest problem that is staring us right in our face.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing to do to drive cross country is to get that broken down car fixed.
By re-claiming your life--your health. Be a new you. Re-invent yourself by being in the best physical state that you could have yet possibly achieved at any point in your life.
Then, see what happens.
Maybe with the new car, you could even have a sat nav.
And not just an ordinary sat nav: The voice you're going to hear is your own.
ReplyDelete