Why?

I need to break free of my head, it is driving me crazy. I keep thinking, over analyzing everything. I get a thought, a feeling, and start running all the possible scenarios through my mind. It is driving me crazy. When I do finally spit something out it is usually the worst possible outcome. Negative. I see it as something I have done wrong, some flaw in myself, or that nobody cares.

Do I have these negative outcomes to my thoughts because I have no self worth? Am I just feeding my feelings of worthlessness? Is it just self fulfilling prophesy? Self pity? Maybe it is just the way I am, my nature. Something I have to accept and stop worrying about it.

I need to be able to think about things and not have them turn into more feelings of my uselessness, my hopelessness. Do others think of me as I think of myself? If they do I understand why they wouldn't like me. Why they would think I am nothing to them. What is it about my brain that everything has to be negative? That I think people don't really like me? That I think they just humor me for a while until they tire of me? Am I just projecting my feelings of worthlessness on others?

I really would like to know what people truly think of me, what I really am to them. At least then I would know if it is just me, or if these negative thoughts I have are how people really see me. Do people take me seriously? Or am I just thought of as some child? A toy to be put away when others are done playing with me. Are people afraid they will hurt my feelings so they just put up with me as long as they can? Do people just tell me what they think I want to hear? I need to know these things. Maybe then I could get on with my life.

The smallest comment, or lack thereof, can send me into a long thought process, an endless cycle of analysis, that always ends in me thinking that I am nothing, just a speck, worthless. Depressed. I am sure I am just making mountains out of mole hills, but that doesn't help, I can't shake these thoughts.

All I know is that I don't know how long I can keep this up, I am so tired. As you can tell by now I am having a bad day. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll get over it.